“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:17-21)

How many of you have ever watched the movie The Princess Bride? It’s a stone-cold classic. If you haven’t watched it yet I strongly encourage you to put it on your watchlist when you get home. Anyway, there is a character in that film—a wandering Spanish swordsman—who is on a quest for revenge. He’s looking for an evil six-fingered man who killed his dear father, defeated him in a duel, and gave him the scar on his cheek. Ever since that day, the swordsman dedicated his life to the study of fencing, so that the next time he met the six-fingered man, he would be able to beat him. And he already has his catch-phrase figured out and ready to go. He’s been rehearsing it for twenty years. You know what it is, don’t you? Say it with me:

“My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

This is just one of many famous stories in our Western culture that center on revenge as their central theme. Sometimes, it’s the main character who is wronged by wicked people in some horrible way, and then uses his power to get even with everyone who wronged him. Examples include Edmund Dantes from The Count of Monte Cristo, Captain Ahab from Moby Dick, and Annakin Skywalker from Star Wars Episode 2. Other times it’s the villain whose primary motivation is paying back those who have hurt them or treated them unfairly: Magneto from X-Men, Captain Hook from Peter Pan, even Dr. Doofenschmirtz from Phineas and Ferb. All of these characters, both good and bad, are motivated by a desire to pay back those who have done them harm—to retaliate, to bring retribution.

I would argue that part of the reason we have so many stories like this is that they connect with some deep part of us that longs to do the same. Somewhere deep in our souls, taking revenge just feels good. It feels right. And if you listen to the voice of our culture, you’ll find that sentiment repeated and magnified a thousand times over. Two can play at that game. Settle the score. Give ‘em a taste of their own medicine. Don’t get mad, get even.

But what does the Bible say about it? How are Christians to handle conflict and deal with unfair treatment? I’m glad you asked.

Avengers, Don’t Assemble

Look back with me at verse 19 of our passage:

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.'”

Never avenge yourselves! That’s some strong wording. It means, don’t mete out justice on your own, even if you believe the other person really, really deserves it. Why? Because you are not God. It’s not your job to be the judge, jury, and executioner. If someone deserves punishment in your eyes, don’t try to be the one who gives it to them, because vengeance doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to God.

Now this is a very hard teaching, because it doesn’t give us any wiggle room at all. Just to be clear, we’re not talking about parents disciplining their children, or the civil magistrate who wields the sword in order to “carry out God’s wrath on the wrongdoer” (Romans 13:4). But these are special cases where God has given specific people a specific kind of authority. In all other conflicts, all other cases where no such authority is given, we are told to never avenge ourselves.

And that’s hard. Right? It’s hard to live in a world where evildoers get away with their evil, where corrupt and crooked people rise to power while good people suffer unjustly. It’s easy to come to the conclusion that doing what is right is pointless. Just ask Asaph, the author of Psalm 73. In that Psalm he admits that he “was envious of the arrogant when [he] saw the prosperity of the wicked,” and was tempted to conclude that his heartfelt attempts to follow God were “all in vain.” And what is the truth that eventually sets his heart and peace and gives him joy again? When he goes into God’s temple and discerns what will happen to the wicked at the end of days! Psalm 73:18-20:

“Truly you set them in slippery places; you make them fall to ruin.
How they are destroyed in a moment, swept away utterly by terrors!
Like a dream when one awakes, O Lord,
when you rouse yourself, you despise them as phantoms.” 

In other words, Asaph sees that God is not asleep at the wheel, but will indeed punish evildoers for their evil. He needs to leave it to the wrath of God to repay. Once he realizes this, he is not only able to be at peace within his own soul, but he also repents of his pride and arrogance in accusing God of not being a perfect judge:

“When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you.” (Psalm 73:21-22)

Let’s face it: part of the reason we love taking revenge is because it makes us feel like we’re in control. Nobody likes feeling out of control, lost in a mad, mad world where there is no justice and no peace. But brothers and sisters, we’re not in control! And that will never change. No matter how amazing our best efforts might be, we can never be in control of our lives, or of our world. Why? Because God is in control. He is the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords, the Sovereign One who “has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all” (Psalm 103:19).  Psalm 47:8 says, “God reigns over the nations; God sits on his holy throne.” and Psalm 115:3 says, “Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases.” 

And not only is God the great King, He is also the “righteous Judge” (Psalm 7:11). “The Lord will judge the ends of the earth.” (1 Samuel 2:10) And sooner or later, God will come and mete out perfect justice to every human being, great and small. “Shall not the Judge of all the earth do what is just?” (Genesis 18:25). We see a terrifying vision of the fulfillment of this promised judgement in Revelation 20:12-13:

“And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Then another book was opened, which is the book of life. And the dead were judged by what was written in the books, according to what they had done. And the sea gave up the dead who were in it, Death and Hades gave up the dead who were in them, and they were judged, each one of them, according to what they had done.”

In that day, the great and awesome Day of the Lord, no evildoer will get away. No rich villain will be able to bribe his way out of hell, nor will any crooked man or scammer be able to manipulate or trick God. God’s justice is perfect, and in the end everyone will get exactly what they deserve.

Judger, No Judging!

Now if you’re not a Christian, you might be thinking that everything I’ve just said is naive wish-fulfillment. You know, all this talk about “God’s going to bring about perfect justice in the end”—that might sound to you like a fairy tale that religious people made up to comfort themselves. But actually, the exact opposite is true. Why? Because in declaring that God is the righteous judge, we expose our own wickedness and sinfulness! By nature, we are every bit as guilty as our worst enemies. Turn with me to a few chapters back to Romans, chapter 3. Verses 10-12 say:

“None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one.” (Romans 3:10-12)

This is one of the key differences between Christianity and all other religions, between the God of the Bible and all other so-called gods. Rather than teaching that you can be good enough to please God and get to heaven on your own, the Bible teaches God is holy, and requires perfect righteous obedience to all His commands. The problem is, we can’t do that because we’re sinners! “The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” (Genesis 6:5) Why would anyone invent a religion that teaches that all humanity are wicked and depraved, and God is a perfect holy judge who will condemn us for our sin? Obviously we much prefer to create lowercase-G gods who can be bribed, coerced, manipulated, or even scammed into helping us. And that’s exactly what every other religion is—jumping through hoops to earn enough cosmic brownie points to achieve enlightenment or find happiness or get a better crop of corn or whatever.

But the true God offers us salvation in a way that none of us would have ever dreamed of—a way of being forgiven by God without having to be good enough by ourselves. If you still have your Bibles open to Romans 3, look down at verse 21 and following:

“But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it⁠—the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God’s righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins. It was to show his righteousness at the present time, so that he might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus.” (Romans 3:21-26)

Do you hear that? “We are justified by His grace as a gift.” We don’t work to earn it, we simply receive it. “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9) And this changes everything. It changes us from miserly, selfish, grudge-bearing grumps into people of mercy who are quick to forgive because we know how much we ourselves have been forgiven. That’s why Paul says in Colossians 3:

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” (Col 3:12-13)

In the gospel, forgiveness triumphs over unforgiveness. Just as God’s kindness leads us to repentance, our repentance leads us to show kindness and grace to others.

Do you see how different this is from “My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die?” This level of grace creates a new kind of humanity, a humanity that says, “My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, but I forgive you. Would you like to hear the gospel and live?”

But what if we don’t want to? What if we fall back into our old habits of judging others and wanting to avenge a wrong ourselves? The Apostle Paul calls us on the carpet for our hypocrisy in Romans 2:1 and following:

“Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.” (Romans 2:1)

Ouch. He’s got us there. The moment we try to point fingers at others, we end up pointing right back at ourselves. James says as much in Chapter 2 of his epistle:

“If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you are doing well. But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become guilty of all of it.”

Again, there’s no wiggle room here, no excuses, no way out other than to accept the grace of Christ and live.

“Do you suppose, O man⁠—you who judge those who practice such things and yet do them yourself⁠—that you will escape the judgment of God? Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?” (Romans 2:3-4)

“So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty. For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment.” (James 2:12-13)

Peace, Love, And Burning Coals

With all that said, let’s turn back to our main text for today in Romans 12, verse 17:.

“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” 

Now that we’ve seen the immensity of how has God forgiven us in Christ, these verses actually make sense, don’t they! It makes sense that we wouldn’t want to repay anyone evil for evil. After all, God repaid us good for evil. Why wouldn’t we want to be like Him and do the same? Why wouldn’t we want to honor others, seeing as we have been lavished with God’s own honor and glory, the very same glory that Jesus had with the Father before the world existed? Why wouldn’t we seek to be at peace with all people, since God is now reconciled with us?

This second sentenc—”If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all”—is perhaps the shortest summary in all of Scripture regarding how we are to handle conflict with other human beings. The overall command—live peaceably with all—is as simple as it is radical. It means we are to have no grudges, no feuds, no outstanding relational rifts or resentments. Paul expands on this in 2 Corinthians 13:11, and explains :

“Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.”

But notice the important caveats in these two verses! “If possible, so far as it depends on you.” “Aim for restoration.” The fact is, living peaceably with all people might not always be possible. It might not depend on you. We are to do everything we can to seek peace, of course but we can only do what we can do. And if that’s not enough, that’s ok! We can still live in peace, knowing we have done our part.

I’ve had several times in my admittedly long life where people very close to me—family members, even—have seemed hell-bent on not living at peace with me. And believe me, the temptation to write them off in my heart has been very real. It’s so easy to feel justified in harboring resentment and animosity towards them, to want to carve their wrongs against me into the tablets of my cold, stony heart so I would never, ever forgive them. But by God’s grace, that is not how we have been called to live.

You see, when you harbor bitterness and scorn in your heart, you’re injecting a kind of spiritual venom directly into your soul. You’re toxifying yourself. I don’t know who said it, but I have a favorite quote on this topic that has served me well for over almost two decades: “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” And yet, when you forgive others from the depths of your soul, it’s like a burden is lifted off of your shoulders. You feel free. You feel alive. It’s a wonderful blessing to know that even when other people refuse to be at peace with you, you can be at peace with God.

So what can we do if people continue to be dead set against living at peace with us?

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”

Now, as I understand it, much ink has been spilled about what it means to “heap burning coals on your enemy’s head.” Right off the bat, let me clarify that this verse is NOT a way of using acts of external compassion to get revenge on your foe. This isn’t a “kill ‘em with kindness” approach to getting revenge, a manipulative, deceitful vengeance that looks saccharine sweet on the outside. If you do that, you’re still trying to avenge yourself, rather than leaving it in God’s hands!

This also isn’t an excuse to use guilt trips and shame bombs to strongarm your opponent into feeling ashamed or convicted. If we’re not careful, we can end up wielding our wounds like weapons, brandishing them at the people who have hurt us in an attempt to hurt them. It’s so easy to want to watch people squirm, to delight as they wither under the scorching assault of our relentless indignation. But that is not the way you came to know Christ! God doesn’t shame you or guilt trip you. He doesn’t hold your sins over you. “As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12)  “As the Lord has forgiven you, you also must forgive.”

So what does it mean? Well first of all, we have to keep in mind that this is a proverb. It’s taken from Proverbs 25:21-22, which adds a blessing at the end:

“If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink,
for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.”

And as we know, proverbs are not universal declarations or fundamental laws of nature, they’re rules of thumb that are true in general. And in general, it’s an impactful thing to be kind to others when they have been rude or hurtful to us. It stands out. Many an unbeliever has been brought to faith by the testimony of Christians who responded to their abuse and hate with genuine kindness and sympathy and compassion. That kind of radical, gospel-centered love makes an impact. It won’t change everybody. It’s not a guarantee or a magic spell. But sometimes, it’s the best chance we have to bless the people who have set themselves up as our enemies. And no matter the outcome, God will bless us.

And finally, verse 21 of our passage says,

 “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Have you ever read a news story or experienced something so awful that it made you just collapse in your chair? I have. This world is full of all kinds of evils, some of them darker and more horrible than anyone would ever care to imagine. There’s a reason that Jesus says in John 3:19, “people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil.” And in the face of such malice, such cruelty, and such depravity as we have seen, it can be easy at times to loose heart.

But what does it say in John 1:5? “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” Let me say that again: the darkness will never, can never defeat the light. Evil will never, can never triumph over good. Why? Because evil is the absence of good, just as dark is the absence of light. You are Christ’s ambassadors, whose job it is to bring goodness into the world, and in doing so play a key role in overcoming evil with good. Matthew 5:16 says, ”Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” 

So go! Shine! Do good! Be good! Be a part of driving the darkness back! Overcome evil with good. And don’t lose heart, for a day is coming where there will be no more darkness or evil, forever and ever:

“Dark, dark hath been the midnight, but dayspring is at hand
And glory, glory dwelleth in Emmanuel’s land.”

Other Messages In This Series:

• Message #1: The Genesis of All Conflict
• Message #2: Saved from God
• Message #3: Our Eternal Enemy
• Message #4: The Flesh Vs. The Spirit
• Message #5: Never Avenge Yourselves
• Message #6: The Root Of Quarreling
• Message #7: Wrap Up & Encouragement